Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: snopes@netcom.com (snopes)
Subject: Scrotum Self-Repair
Date: Tue, 8 Mar 1994 02:30:31 GMT
Most of us are intimately acquainted with the infamous "Scrotum Self-Repair"
article that has become a truly ubiquitous piece of xeroxlore. (If not, it
follows at the end of this article.) As others have mentioned here, the
original article did appear in a legitimate medical journal (Medical Aspects of
Human Sexuality) in July of 1991. The possiblity remained, however, that this
article was some sort of hoax or joke, perhaps sent in by someone other than
the person named as the author.
With the assistance of Ted Frank and Terry Wood, I managed to locate and
contact the doctor named in the article. I wanted to find out whether he was
really the one who had submitted the article, and whether he had actually
treated the patient in question himself. I was a little apprehensive about
approaching a total stranger and asking whether or not he had really treated a
patient with a stapled scrotum, but Dr. Morton turned out to be quite helpful.
He sent me a short letter answering all my questions, and he invited me to call
him if I wanted to discuss the matter further. This is what he had to say:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. William A. Morton, Jr., M.D.
West Chester, PA
26 February 1994
Dear Mr. Mikkelson:
I am now retired, but submitted the article; treated the patient about
20-25 years ago and have had phone calls from all corners of the U.S. ever
since. A xerox is on the billboard in practically every army post, college
dorm, men's club, etc. I've had interviews/phone by talk-show hosts, etc.
No Phil Donahue yet!
The man actually came to me 3 days post-injury when the fever, swelling,
and pain of secondary infection frightened him. Though unlikely, tetanus was
even a possibility. He was not that impressed with the pain of the moment of
injury -- it happened so quickly, like losing your fingertip to a band-saw --
and was unaware his left testis was probably propelled up into the rafters of
the machine shop where he worked.
Every man who questions me imagines the initial pain to have been intense,
but should realize that once the testis had been ripped out (gasp!) there was
not the continuing discomfort one would experience from a first-class kick in
the nuts!
I saw him again 5 years later in the hospital for a non-urologic problem.
Incidentally, the Navy has left xeroxes in every bar along the Mediterranean
from Gibraltar to Tel Aviv -- my son's girlfriend saw one in Greece 2 years
ago.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scrotum Self-Repair by William A. Morton, Jr, MD
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She
directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than
to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient,
about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to
say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and
black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove
his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained
gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a
grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus
and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw
some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were.
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine
shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a
heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staple of the type
used in putting up wallboard.
We x-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to
the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum antibacterial
therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.
The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side
of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges
were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was
missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal
canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a
hematoma was present. Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured
loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital
less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.
An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime
with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice
of mastubating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a
large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached
orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When
his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the
drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware
that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain,
he stapled the wound closed and resumed work. I can only assume he
abandoned this method of self-gratification.
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| "But to see your own throat, it looks just like a pussy. It's exactly the |
| same, the same coloring and everything. A tremendous experience. I have |
| it done every year." |
| - Rod Stewart |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| David P. Mikkelson Calif. State Univ., Northridge Northridge, CA USA |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+