It's a paper situation Yesterday I did an assessment for a young couple who requested an organizing job-- actually the husband was the one to e-mail me and tell me that the house was in disarray. He works and his wife is a stay at home mom with 2 kids. His e-mail led me to believe that the house was in shambles.

I arrived at their door early in the morning and rang the bell. The young wife answers the door and invites me in. She goes to get him as I wait in the living room. I survey the situation and look around, but see no sign of "clutter". I am puzzled. Their home is nicely furnished right out of a pottery barn catalog. They themselves look as if they walked out of an Eddie Bauer catalog as well. She's young- mid thirties or so, blonde and supressing how tightly wound she is at the moment. She has me wait while she gets her husband. He enters the room introduces himself and shakes my hand. He's a strapping tall blonde man and is charismatic and confident and I suspect very successful in the world. So here we have your typical Ken and Barbie couple.

He starts off by asking me how this works. I advise him that I 'd like to know what his goals are as far as organizing goes. He says "we'll we have a paper situation- she can't control it" She rebuts, by saying it's not really paper-- he says "it's a paper situation" He takes me to the "paper situation" which turns out to be a small basket of paper on top of the kitchen counter. She declares exasperated "this is my office!" He asks for suggestions while they glare at each other. I tell him this is a very small area for a workplace or office she nods as if I am on herside. I suggest a few things a small desk, another area or a file.

He then takes me to the bedroom where the wall is filled with shopping bags and boxes from pottery barn, crate and barrel, etc. "I'm gonna break my neck with all this stuff in my way-- I suggest the closet-- the garage, but NO--- she needs access to them!

He then takes me to his office downstairs-- He has an office and she has a basket on the counter. What's wrong with this picture? Toys are strewn everywhere as it should be with a toddler and a newborn. The truth is I wasn't sure why I was even there. I wanted to say I'd love to help you folks. Why don't we sit and talk about what's really bothering you: You'e both are playing house and living the american dream and you're really bummed out because you did what you both were supposed to do and you're still miserable. Got the house, the car, the kids a house full of stuff, money but it is apparent that you're both really unhappy.


The truth is they didn't need me to organize them -- what they needed was a therapy session-- an umpire. I wish could have given them that-- it would have been way more useful. They didn't have a clutter problem-- just a communication problem. Going to a therapist would be too real and meant that something was wrong with their relationship so instaed they called a clutter expert. There was no clutter-- except for the clutter of inabilities to communicate. The tension could be cut with a knife. She felt obviously humiliated that he berated her in front of me-- a total stranger. She left us. He finally took me to the garage and we chatted more about the garage clutter and I gave him a few suggestions. He thanked me for my time and gave me a bottle of wine. As I left, I felt sad because I could really feel the coldness between them-- it was a shame. Discontent is really a human condition-- isn't it? 

// posted by Red @ 1:30 PM

  Good Aches I finished my 4 day Deep Tissue intensive yesterday. My bodyfeels like a trainwreck, but in a good way. Having been overloaded alll weekend and having bout of inadeqaucy arise for me-- I did boost myself by helping a classmate. He complained of exhaustion and tightness in his chest beacuse of having asthma all night. I had him lie on a table and I worked the acupressure points for breathing difficulty and asthma for about 3-4 minuntes. When he got up his eyes got big and he smiled in amazement at how free his chest felt. He ranted andraved so loudkly that a crowd of students formed. He told them what I did and they all hovered around me and asked me to demonstrate on them. I felt like Santa Claus on Christmas day. I was shamelessly giddy and secretly in awe of myself at the same time. It's so empowering to be able to help someone and show them how to help themselves. He was so appreciative that he bowed down and called me the miracle worker for the rest of the day. I'm no miracle worker-- maybe just someone who believes in miracles :) 

// posted by Red @ 10:51 AM

  My Gift I worked with a woman yesterday who said that my hands were very strong and present. She said I had the gift of healing. I'm realizing that more and more of my clients feel that way. I feel happy when I can touch people and make them feel comforted, healed, whatever they want to call it. I use to have a hard time believing that was true. I wasn't sure if what I did was affecting anyone deeply. I have come to know that when I do find a connection it is profound.

A client recently told me that after coming to see me a few sessions-- I had accessed feelings for her that she had not known or felt in many years. She said years and years of pschotherapy had not brought her to the place I did. Touch therapy is very powerful-- very healing. Maybe this is why it is so difficult to receive bodywork-- to truly receive something that is just for you. I mean we can buy things-- tons of things and have not a second thought about spending millions of dollars on stuff, but when we think about receiving bodywork-- even if someone buys us a session-- we do all we can to avoid it. It is even difficult for me. I don't get as much work as I should, but I am trying to receive on a more regular basis.

I guess it goes back to feeling or avoiding feeling. Sometimes when I'm out in the world and I stop to observe people in their daily lives, many adults are one of 3 things: not there, irritated or simply running-- running away from theselves. I have been all of those things, but I make a conscious effort to be present as best as I can. Life is a challenge, but amazing at the same time.  

// posted by Red @ 9:51 AM

  Deep Tissue as opposed to Shallow Tissue I was at a Deep Tissue class this weekend. I learned so much and was quite overwhelmed to be honest, but I am always so excited to learn more bodywork. Bodywork is so amazing and powerful. Deep Tissue methods utilize knuckles, forearms and elbows to access the deepest parts of the muscles. I was in pain the next day.

Sometimes we as humans need to feel physical pain before we can feel emotional pain. That's why people get tattoos, play with sm, get pierced-- etc. I guess it makes us feel alive-- really alive. I think that's why I eat-- cause sometimes I feel so full that I'm in pain. I don't think I really realized this til just recently, but now even food can't fill me-- fill that emotional black hole in my heart. These days I try to just sit with the pain and not push it down or eat it away with food. It's still a challenge, but I do try to accept all the experiences that I have gone through and still go through. Some days are better than others, but I am a survivor even though ben and jerry rescues me temporarily :)

 

// posted by Red @ 5:13 PM

  Blog Clog I've been backed up with blogging. Business has been pretty good and I'm just plain exhausted, but I'm not complaining. I do love my life-- that's something I would not have said a few years ago. What's gotten into me some of you may ask. Maybe it's because I've given up drama-- some may beg to differ, but in my old age-- or older age, I realize that nothing really matters-- except for the fact that we should be the best person we can possibly be.

I just finished reading When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It made me cry. We live in such a culture where we don't feel anymore. We don't know how to feel. We don't want to feel. How tragic is that? We're afraid to feel. We do all we can to numb ourselves-- to occupy each moment of our small lives to avoid feeling -- to avoid this very moment. It's like "if I start feeling, I'll never stop!" Isn't that a wonderful thing? I think it is.

Compassion-- now there's a concept. I feel like I've become a more compassionate person--Maybe my work has made it so. I worked with a woman the other day and literally through my hands-- my arms and my heart I was overcome with sadness-- in that moment I realized that the sadness was her's. She honored me with the gift of seeing her. I feel blessed to see and touch people. What I do is very humbling. I am truly privilged to be allowed to touch people for a living. Being a bodyworker has deeply enriched my life as a person and has helped me to become a better person-- more compassionate with others --more compassionate with myself. Compassion is truly an act of generousity. There is enough for everyone.

 

// posted by Red @ 8:21 PM