"No gay marriage! Back in the closet you Homos!" That was an e-mail I got today. I had posted on craigslist that I was looking for some dvds-- some of them were gay oriented. So, some genius who saw my post obviously wanted to send ME hate mail anonymously, Imagine that. Well he sent this hate mail to the wrong person-- a homo with five -- count em 5 levels of oppression and time on my hands. Now-- I had this person's e-mail address. So I posted some men 4 men sex ads with this his e-mail address as well as the many wonderful gay porn sites on the web. I just love the web. You can accomplish so much. I think I'll just keep his e-mail address in my file, so the next time I get really pissed off I'll can post his e-mail address on some beastiality sites and any other interesting sites as well.

Ignorance gets you on some bad lists. Lyon and Martin get to be married. They have been together for 51 years. If that isn't commitment I don't know what is. I' don't know that I'll ever get married, but it nice to have the option. It 's not so much about marriage than it is about human rights. Bigotry is so dangerous- but maybe not as dangerous as an angry homo with internet access. 

// posted by Red @ 12:45 AM

  Charlize Theron is GOD in MONSTER Hello my pretties :) I have been in hybernation, but am back. We went to see MONSTER. First I will say I will cry "bloody murder" if she does not win the Oscar for this role. Charlize Theron gained 30 lbs to portray Aileen Wuornos-- the prostitute serial killer. The transformation she makes in this role is incredible and I am truly in awe. It's so refreshing for a beautiful Hollywood actress, such as Charlize Theron to take on such a challenging role as this. I can't begin to explain the range feelings I had as I watched the film. I felt as if I was on the brink of an anxiety attack as well as some form of hysteria on this cinematic roller coaster. The subject matter does not make it an easy film to watch or assimilate-- but is a must for anyone who loves film and is interested in understanding humanity.

It's about a woman who had been a prostitute since she was 13 years old--someone who has never known any real love or nurturing and what she did to keep this love when she found it. It is magnificently tragic in the rawest sense of the word. I read an interview with Theron and she says it's so easy to simplify this woman's life by saying she's crazy. We don't challenge ourselves when we are so dismissive of someone who commits excessive gruesome violent murders-- instead we try to distance ourselves as far as possible from someone like that-- the same way that some women distance themselves from a woman that has been raped by saying "WELL LOOK AS HOW SHE'S DRESSED" I think to myself how easy it would be to become this person if the circumstances were in place. That's the scary part. The fact that the movie is called MONSTER is actually ironic. As much as I think it's wrong to kill -- I completely understood why she murdered these men-- and one of her victims truly got what he deserved. I know some of you will disgree with me and that's fair, but I stand by my opinion. This movies is a must-see-- even for those who normally can't stomach this type of violence.

When I left the theater I felt sick to my stomach and could hardly breathe-- but as I watched the film I felt the despair, rage and desperation that drove her to kill and recognized a part of her inside myself. I'm not saying I would kill people, but I am saying that I probably could kill. That scares me.  

// posted by Red @ 1:38 AM

  Merry Christmas and Thanks for the Bomb Threat Ok-- SO I went down to the courthouse today to protest a ticket. When I got there, a huge crowd congregated out front. I thought "Oh GREAT" I'll be here all day long for this stupid ticket *sigh* There was something going on because there were so many officers from the Sheriff's dept around searching people while we slowly shuffled into the building. I finally got passed the security gate and rushed up to the courtroom so I could be up front . There were 10 people ahead of me. I sat next to this bald girl with a tribal tattoo on her head and huge plugs that stretched out her ears. There were 3 East Indian men that sat in front of her and just blatantly stared. I guess if you're gonna look interesting , be prepared to be stared at. It's so funny because I spend my whole like trying to fit it-- but I never do because people are often confused about my gender.

Gender is primal. As humans-- we need to distinguish gender in order to determine how to relate to a person. When gender is ambiguous -- some people are frustrated and sometimes even show animousity. Once I was in line getting food at a cafeteria and someone called me Sir-- the friend I was with corrected the woman and she was so frustrated she blurted our 'We'll if SHE were wearing the right clothes- People could tell" I laughed to myself cause sometimes I think even if I was wearing a dress I'd probably be thought as a big Drag Queen :) Oh well It just amuses me anymore .

So the court clerk comes out and says "Are you all here for Department A and have a 1030 appointment?" We all mumble "yes" She smiles big and says "Come on in-- All of your cases are dismissed today-- Merry Christmas!" We all look dumbfounded and in shock as if we haad all won the lottery. Everyone was so happy. It was the happiest group of people I have ever seen at good ol 850 Bryant. Thanks Santa :)

 

// posted by Red @ 12:25 PM

  Thankfully Late I know it's past Thanksgiving, but I want to say that I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful for my family and though they are far from the Brady Bunch-- I know that they are a big part of who I am and the reason that I strive to challenge myself in personal and spiritual arenas. I am thankful for my girlfriend. Her love and unending support is boundless. I am thankful for my friend-- without you I'd be lost. I love you all for all you give me. Did that sound like a Hallmark card? 

// posted by Red @ 1:02 AM

  It's a paper situation Yesterday I did an assessment for a young couple who requested an organizing job-- actually the husband was the one to e-mail me and tell me that the house was in disarray. He works and his wife is a stay at home mom with 2 kids. His e-mail led me to believe that the house was in shambles.

I arrived at their door early in the morning and rang the bell. The young wife answers the door and invites me in. She goes to get him as I wait in the living room. I survey the situation and look around, but see no sign of "clutter". I am puzzled. Their home is nicely furnished right out of a pottery barn catalog. They themselves look as if they walked out of an Eddie Bauer catalog as well. She's young- mid thirties or so, blonde and supressing how tightly wound she is at the moment. She has me wait while she gets her husband. He enters the room introduces himself and shakes my hand. He's a strapping tall blonde man and is charismatic and confident and I suspect very successful in the world. So here we have your typical Ken and Barbie couple.

He starts off by asking me how this works. I advise him that I 'd like to know what his goals are as far as organizing goes. He says "we'll we have a paper situation- she can't control it" She rebuts, by saying it's not really paper-- he says "it's a paper situation" He takes me to the "paper situation" which turns out to be a small basket of paper on top of the kitchen counter. She declares exasperated "this is my office!" He asks for suggestions while they glare at each other. I tell him this is a very small area for a workplace or office she nods as if I am on herside. I suggest a few things a small desk, another area or a file.

He then takes me to the bedroom where the wall is filled with shopping bags and boxes from pottery barn, crate and barrel, etc. "I'm gonna break my neck with all this stuff in my way-- I suggest the closet-- the garage, but NO--- she needs access to them!

He then takes me to his office downstairs-- He has an office and she has a basket on the counter. What's wrong with this picture? Toys are strewn everywhere as it should be with a toddler and a newborn. The truth is I wasn't sure why I was even there. I wanted to say I'd love to help you folks. Why don't we sit and talk about what's really bothering you: You'e both are playing house and living the american dream and you're really bummed out because you did what you both were supposed to do and you're still miserable. Got the house, the car, the kids a house full of stuff, money but it is apparent that you're both really unhappy.


The truth is they didn't need me to organize them -- what they needed was a therapy session-- an umpire. I wish could have given them that-- it would have been way more useful. They didn't have a clutter problem-- just a communication problem. Going to a therapist would be too real and meant that something was wrong with their relationship so instaed they called a clutter expert. There was no clutter-- except for the clutter of inabilities to communicate. The tension could be cut with a knife. She felt obviously humiliated that he berated her in front of me-- a total stranger. She left us. He finally took me to the garage and we chatted more about the garage clutter and I gave him a few suggestions. He thanked me for my time and gave me a bottle of wine. As I left, I felt sad because I could really feel the coldness between them-- it was a shame. Discontent is really a human condition-- isn't it? 

// posted by Red @ 1:30 PM

  Good Aches I finished my 4 day Deep Tissue intensive yesterday. My bodyfeels like a trainwreck, but in a good way. Having been overloaded alll weekend and having bout of inadeqaucy arise for me-- I did boost myself by helping a classmate. He complained of exhaustion and tightness in his chest beacuse of having asthma all night. I had him lie on a table and I worked the acupressure points for breathing difficulty and asthma for about 3-4 minuntes. When he got up his eyes got big and he smiled in amazement at how free his chest felt. He ranted andraved so loudkly that a crowd of students formed. He told them what I did and they all hovered around me and asked me to demonstrate on them. I felt like Santa Claus on Christmas day. I was shamelessly giddy and secretly in awe of myself at the same time. It's so empowering to be able to help someone and show them how to help themselves. He was so appreciative that he bowed down and called me the miracle worker for the rest of the day. I'm no miracle worker-- maybe just someone who believes in miracles :) 

// posted by Red @ 10:51 AM

  My Gift I worked with a woman yesterday who said that my hands were very strong and present. She said I had the gift of healing. I'm realizing that more and more of my clients feel that way. I feel happy when I can touch people and make them feel comforted, healed, whatever they want to call it. I use to have a hard time believing that was true. I wasn't sure if what I did was affecting anyone deeply. I have come to know that when I do find a connection it is profound.

A client recently told me that after coming to see me a few sessions-- I had accessed feelings for her that she had not known or felt in many years. She said years and years of pschotherapy had not brought her to the place I did. Touch therapy is very powerful-- very healing. Maybe this is why it is so difficult to receive bodywork-- to truly receive something that is just for you. I mean we can buy things-- tons of things and have not a second thought about spending millions of dollars on stuff, but when we think about receiving bodywork-- even if someone buys us a session-- we do all we can to avoid it. It is even difficult for me. I don't get as much work as I should, but I am trying to receive on a more regular basis.

I guess it goes back to feeling or avoiding feeling. Sometimes when I'm out in the world and I stop to observe people in their daily lives, many adults are one of 3 things: not there, irritated or simply running-- running away from theselves. I have been all of those things, but I make a conscious effort to be present as best as I can. Life is a challenge, but amazing at the same time.  

// posted by Red @ 9:51 AM