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Excerpt |
The Adventures of Wonder Slut by Alice Gaines
Changeling Press
ISBN: 1-59596-394-4 |
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By day, Felicity Plumswindle is a mild-mannered orchid
grower.
By night, she's Wonderslut, Avenger of the Non-Orgasmic. She travels the
country rewarding caring lovers and punishing insensitive ones.
But, life is not idyllic for our heroine in her quest to provide sexual
fulfillment for everyone. She meets challenges at every turn. Not only
are the government morality police hot on her tail but she's also
feeling the need for a hero, and some fulfillment of her own.
Will Wonderslut defeat her enemies, and will she find satisfaction for
herself?
"4.5 Stars! Ms. Gaines has unraveled
an entire new world where everything is possible! The story is funny and
sexy and I have found myself taken by it, having to read it without putting
it down!" -- Anne Chaput,
eCataRomance Sensual Reviews
"5 Angels! Alice Gaines has managed
to merge the world of the comic book with the world of the erotic novel,
producing a wonderful and intriguing book." --
Heidi, Fallen Angel Reviews
The Adventures of
Wonderslut
Alice Gaines
All rights reserved.
Copyright ©2006 Alice Gaines
An Authorized Excerpt
This e-book file contains sexually explicit scenes
and adult language which some may find offensive and which is not
appropriate for a young audience. Changeling Press E-Books are for sale to
adults, only, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your
purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by
under-aged readers.
“Sanctimonious hypocrite at ten o’clock.”
At the sound of Jay’s warning, Felicity Plumswindle looked up from the
cattleya orchid she’d been repotting. “Not McHayes again.”
“None other.” Her assistant and partner-in-justice tapped a few keys on his
laptop, bringing up a view of the street outside the greenhouse. “The Smarm-O-Meter
went off the scale.”
“I don’t need one of your genius computer devices to detect McHayes’
hypocrisy. It oozes out of his every pore.”
“Gotta calibrate the meter with someone. Wonderslut and the Organization of
Magnificent Paranormal Heroes -- O.O.M.P.H. -- can’t take chances.”
She looked at Jay. “Do you think he suspects me?”
He shrugged. With his blond hair going every which way and his smiling blue
eyes, Jay always looked like a kid on Christmas morning. But then, with all
the electronic toys she’d given him to do his job, he was a kid on Christmas
morning. Or a boy genius computer geek version.
Damn McHayes. She couldn’t let him figure out her double identity. Not only
would that shut down Wonderslut, it would give him an insight into
O.O.M.P.H.’s operations. As a secret society of heroes with special gifts,
O.O.M.P.H. worked for truth, justice, and sexual fulfillment all across the
world. Just the sort of thing Americans for a Decent America hated.
“McHayes had better not trace Wonderslut here,” she said.
“He won’t through any of my computers,” Jay answered. “I have everything so
encrypted his ass couldn’t find its hole in my maze of programs.”
“Then, why does McHayes spend so much time bothering me?”
Jay shrugged again. “He likes you?”
“You have a lot to learn, kiddo.”
He grinned and leaned toward her. “So, teach me.”
She pointed toward the computer screen. “How soon before he tinkles the bell
over the greenhouse door?”
“ETA ten seconds.” He closed the laptop. “I’m outta here.”
She grabbed his arm. “Stay right where you are. Every time McHayes gets me
alone, he tries to play slap-and-tickle.”
“You can cut him down to size, Liss.”
“Great idea. Then, he’d know for sure I’m Wonderslut, Avenger of the
Non-Orgasmic.”
Before they could have that conversation for the fiftieth time, the bell
over the greenhouse door went off. The family values police had arrived.
“Ah, Felicity. You’re looking especially lovely today,” Alexander McHayes,
morality czar, television pundit, and all-around jerkwad declared.
He thought she looked lovely, did he? With her schoolmarm glasses perched on
her nose and her hair tied in a tight bun at the back of her head, Felicity
Plumswindle looked about as different from her seductress counterpart as she
could make herself. Instead of Wonderslut’s leather bustier, Felicity wore a
dress that made a flour sack look sexy. Just in case anyone might detect the
hint of a curve under that, she’d topped the whole outfit off with a
cardigan sweater two sizes too large. Lovely, indeed. McHayes must use his
dubious charm on any woman he thought he could intimidate. He wouldn’t get
anywhere with this woman. She’d bust his face for him.
“What can I do for you, Mr. McHayes?”
He approached the potting bench. “I’m glad to say that I’m here to tell you
what I can do for you.”
You don’t do anything for me, you disgusting lecher. “Oh, really?”
He rested his hip on the bench and leaned toward her. No doubt trying to get
a look down her dress. Fat chance. “You may have heard that I’m to have my
own television program.”
She had heard that. How wonderful for holier-than-thou types everywhere.
He stroked his salt-and-pepper mustache while he leered at her. He really
ought to wax the ends and twirl them like the melodrama villain he was. “I’m
calling it The Values Hour.”
Values-schmalues. The only thing he valued was himself. “Congratulations.”
“They’re building a set for me at the local station, but I’ll be syndicated
nationwide.”
If only that nation were Outer Mongolia and not here. On the other hand, why
would she wish Alexander McHayes on some innocent Mongol horde?
“That’s really cool, Mr. McH.,” Jay said. “Excuse me for a minute, okay?”
“Where do you think you’re going?” Felicity asked. “I need you here.”
“Let the young man go. We can conduct our business without him.”
She knew damned well what kind of business the old coot meant. That was why
she needed Jay here. “Jay…”
“Seriously, I gotta run. Nature calling, ya know?” Jay turned to leave,
stopped, and grabbed the laptop. Taking the computer with him, he danced out
of the greenhouse in the general direction of the bathroom. What a time for
him to get the runs.
She turned back toward McHayes. “Well, it’s been nice doing business with
you.”
“But, we haven’t done any business.” He leaned closer until she could almost
feel his breath on her neck. “Yet.”
“I don’t know how I can help you with a television show.”
“I thought some orchids would give the set real class. You could supply
them, and I’d give your nursery credit. Win, win.”
The only thing this creep wanted to win was a free ticket to under her
skirt. Bastard.
“I could loan you a few blooming plants every week.” Jay would deliver them.
It would serve him right for deserting her just now.
“There’s something else I’d like to ask of you, too.” He put a hand on her
shoulder and let it slip southward toward her breast.
She pushed his fingers away. No doubt, but you’re not getting it,
asshole.
Undeterred, he smiled a particularly unctuous smile. “I’d like your help in
exposing Wonderslut.”
“Wonderslut?” She did her best to look innocent and confused all at once.
“The self-described Avenger of the Non-Orgasmic. You’ve heard of her?”
“I suppose so.”
“She and her ilk are destroying our country. They’re tearing the fabric of
our democracy apart.”
“I don’t think Wonderslut has anything to do with politics.”
“Don’t be naïve, Felicity. She’s a communist plot, determined to convert all
decent Americans into godless atheists.”
“I don’t think she has anything to do with religion, either.”
“Wonderslut,” he continued on as if she hadn’t spoken. “Do you know what it
would mean if I could expose her on my television show?”
The Virtuous Asshole of the Year Award? A place of honor in the Hypocrisy
Hall of Fame? His own star in the Firmament of Repression?
“I’ll tell you what it would mean,” he said.
Obviously, he planned to answer his own question, so she kept her mouth
shut.
He caught her by the shoulders and pulled her toward him until his lips were
almost on hers. She could break both his arms, but that might blow her
cover, so she put her hands on his chest and pushed him away.
“A network job,” he said. “Book deals. I could write my own ticket. Can you
read the headlines? ‘McHayes saves decency’.”
Damn, the fool was just getting warmed up. His cock had probably hardened in
his pants already. If Wonderslut were here, she’d shrink it a couple of
inches to get his attention. Felicity Plumswindle didn’t dare.
“Would you like to share all that with me, Felicity?”
Prig publicity? I don’t think so. “What about your wife?”
That seemed to penetrate his passion. “Jane?”
“Wouldn’t you want to share your success with your wife?”
“Yes, of course.” He cleared his throat. “I was speaking figuratively.”
Moron. “I don’t see how I could help you expose Wonderslut.”
His eyes narrowed. Sometimes he acted as if there was some gray matter
behind all his bloviating. Sometimes he acted as if he knew more about her
relationship to Wonderslut than he let on. If she didn’t have Jay’s daily
assurances that no one could track the Avenger of the Non-Orgasmic down to
this very greenhouse and underground Slut Grotto, she might have done the
world a favor and taken Alexander McHayes out. Killing wasn’t her thing.
Fucking was. But sometimes a girl had to do what a girl had to do.
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