First the X-Files leaves, and now this

(PETALUMA, CA. & VANCOUVER B.C., Thursday 18 Nov. 1999) - He's known around town as a bit of an eccentric. Dairy and chicken farmer Wilt Bizzman is one of those people who always call in to report his neighbors as: a) CIA Agents; b) FBI Agents; c) Men In Black, or d) Aliens. Usually, police dismiss his claims out of hand.

But not today.

Because Bizzman could finally prove that his farm was indeed the site of something very strange indeed, and we don't mean his wife, Velma.

Wilt's back 40 now boasts the most-detailed and unusual crop circle ever found in North America, or the world, for that matter. Rather than the usual geomertric patterns or shapes, this crop circle features the visages of two area radio personalities. The first has already been missing for a week; the second disappeared just yesterday.

Jym Dingler vanished from Pacifica on Sunday, and is believed to have been abducted by aliens while making adjustments on his coastside pirate satellite-dish farm.

Petaluma resident Debbie Rogers disappeared after she went to the corner store for some brownie mix, but finding none, instead bought one of those tasty little cake mixes that cooks in its own little cardboard tray, which she had to buy instead of the brownie mix, because they only had the kind that requires eggs and milk, and she preferred the "add water and bake" style so popular among Petaluma's burgeoning yuppie class.

The first evidence that Dingler and Rogers might be together came with the discovery of the crop circle, neatly pressed into a field of illegal hemp on Bizzman's farm.

Thanks to an Internet tip, Petaluma police quickly connected the crop circle with this morning's strange appearance of a flaming object in the skies above Vancouver, British Columbia. They also arrested Bizzman, who was attempting to burn off the hemp field by allowing a traveling group of Deadheads to camp there for the weekend.

We will post updates when available. Meanwhile... watch the skies.

To 11/16/99 report: Watch the skies! One of our men is missing!

To 11/17/99 report: Life on Mars, or a message from Jym?