I can't tell you exactly where, because Debbie and The Admiral have sworn me to secrecy. This CIA map is the best I can do. Sorry. She's right, though. We can't have everybody just dropping in unannounced. There's only enough rum for so many Mai Tais. Besides, we already draw enough attention when we use dynamite to catch bass. Thanks - Jym Dingler

Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.