EGGS! EGGS! SUPERMODEL EGGS! :: Jym, Debbie and Bob @ Mix 106.5/San Jose, California


		NvetScope MRI, the University of Illinois' Beckman Institute prototype Real-Time MRI on the WWW, inspecting a Heidi Klum clone

Let the ovulating begin!

"Eggs, it don't matter how
You cook those eggs
Eggs remind me of a chicken
And I'd rather have a chicken
Than eggs."
— "Eggs" by Martin Mull, circa 1973

Some of the great movies of our time are about eggs: Alien; The Egg And I; With Six You Get Eggroll (to date, this was Doris Day's last movie); and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And Samantha Eggar. But, I digress.

Men have been sperm donors for years, but this is going too far. Now you can go online and bid for, nay, actually buy half the genetic material you need to build your own little uberchild. It's Supermodel Eggs Online! Step into the Cyber-Human Meat and Dairy Department for today's specials! Ovum a Klum! Elle's Eggs! And, have you tried the Omelette du Schiffer?

Thanks to Modern Science, now it's not good enough to procreate the good, old-fashioned way, after dinner and a Blockbuster night with Somewhere in Time? No, try to beat the genetic-crapshoot odds with The Egg of the Future! Look at all the features! How about Cindy's mole? Heidi's hair? Elle's eyes? Want the optional ski rack? Hey, if you're into winter sports, you'll want the undercoating, too. The salt's killer on your SUV, and besides, it's dandy soundproofing. Tell you what, I'll talk to the manager and see if I can knock a hundred off that, doncha know?

I've got news for you wannabe daddies. It doesn't matter if you max out the MasterCard for your very own future Sports Illustrated cover-girl ovum, that only gets you halfway home. If you're not a ringer for Brad Pitt (and odds are, you're not), maybe you should adopt. [By Jym Dingler, October 28, 1999]