Dr. Milton X. Cohen, Jym's HMO advisor,
posing with The Wall of Fiscal Incentives
at the Chicago AMA Convention
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Take two aspirin and don't call me in the morning
"First, do no harm."
— from the Hippocratic Oath
"Second, stall, stall, stall."
— The HMO Mantra
Some years ago, a gentleman strode into Chicago's Cook County Hospital Emergency Room. Dressed to the nines in tuxedo with tails and carrying a silk top hat clutched over his chest, as though he were meeting some foreign dignitary, the man politely asked to see a doctor, and stood waiting at the nurse's station until help was summoned.
The doctor sized up the well-dressed patient but could see no emergency, until the tuxedoed man drew the hat away from his chest, revealing an ice pick embedded in his sternum.
If this man walked into an HMO today, they wouldn't even look under his hat.
(True story. The doctor is my father-in-law.)
* * *
Which brings us to our guest column by my personal-care guru, Dr. Milton Cohen.
Dr. Cohen: So what is it this time?
Jym: My back is killing me. I walked all over Washington D.C. for three days, then spent almost seven hours on the world's hardest airline seat. The next day, I could hardly stand up. I came into the emergency room, they said it was a pinched nerve, that I should rest at home and then get you to schedule an MRI before determining treatment.
Dr. Cohen: What you should get is a better travel agent.
Jym: I booked the flight myself.
Dr. Cohen: I rest my case.
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