Life on Mars, or is it a message from Jym?

(PASADENA, Wednesday 17 Nov. 1999)- Jet Propulsion Laboratory scientists released the latest image taken by the malfunctioning Hubble Space Telescope. Focusing on the controversial Cydonia area and the alleged "Face on Mars" (smaller photo), scientists discovered a new formation that appeared virtually overnight.

"It does indeed seem to be writing," said a NASA scientist to declined to be identified. "Your missing person could be trying to send some sort of signal, or maybe the aliens are simply fans of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' Either way, this will require further study, and we're a little bit behind after that little metric-conversion boo-boo when we lost our Mars probe. Uh, don't write that down, OK?"

"We've had some trouble with our younger astrophysicists," said yet another NASA scientist who asked not to be named. "This looks like one of our little NASA jokes, 'Put David Duchovny's picture into the image-analysis software and watch the analysts scream.' Know how people like to photocopy their butts and fax 'em out? Same kinda thing."

"It's a trick of the light, nothing more," said Air Force Maj. Gen. Vin "Blister" MacGruder. "And you can quote me on that. And stop snickering about my nickname. You try spending every day in these Corfam dress shoes. I'll tell you what, I'd like to meet some aliens. I bet they've got some comfy footwear."

Mrs. Prebianca, Jym's second-grade teacher, commented: "The writing's not bad for a third-grader, but if this is truly the calligraphy of an adult, or perhaps an advanced alien culture, it really should have been neater. Note the tight space between the 'gis' in 'Regis.' This is not the way Jym learned to write. On the other hand, if one were writing with something the size of a Caterpillar road grader, or a particle-beam ray of some sort, I suppose we could forgive the sloppiness.

"I would like to send a message to ABC, if I may," Jym's teacher added. "That TV-show title, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire,' asking a question without using a question mark? That is inexcusable, D+ work. Please tell Regis that I'm very disappointed."

We will post updates as soon as they're available. Meanwhile... watch the skies.

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