Before I say anything, complements to my ears, would you say? They must be good.

I have some friends, not from the Mainland and not necessarily children of Chinese or Asian descent, who were fascinated about China, the Mainland, of course, where real dragons dig their caves, strutting around with dust all over their alligator-skin and spewing real smoke and fire. I remember those episodes because I heard the words. Some of them used to make profound statements coated with high intellectualism on the unbearable alienation of the modernity of life in the city from that of the country. One of my poet friends gained himself some fame by exclaiming loudly in a poem to Li Po: "Tell me, my sage, where is my exile?!"

I guess I was naive, for I went ahead with all sincerity to suggest them to go to China and see the real country for themselves. I did not try to create any fairytale about how clean China is. Comparable to Japan, or Hong Kong or Disneyland? Are you kidding? No, not in a million of years. I laid my elementary school logic out naked in the rain: if you are fascinated about China, a visit is a must. If you are fascinated in nature, the grandeur of nature and its immensity, Napal and the Gobi Desert seem to be two of the better choices. Sailing on a small boat across the Pacific, I don't know. You are on your own on that one, babe.

Some of the people I know went in the direction where I came from and I was glad. When they came back, however, they started complaining. Too much dust, tell me about it. No public facility, wow, I forgot all about that one. The toilet smells, hey, hey, hey, I am having dinner here, would you mind? The girls are plain-looking, hmm?

The funny thing is that I haven't heard a word confessing that they were scared. It is mighty disappointing, to say the least, to find out the out-of-this-world scenery you have imagined all along turned out to be nothing but gray dust. This wonderful alienation has bred a bunch of babies who are simply scared to face reality, truth, and cold and hard facts. That's OK, babe. If you tell me you are scared, I will give a hug. Hey, my hug may not mean too much but a hug is a hug.

All right, where was I? I confess that some of the faces of Chinese women from the Mainland are rather striking. I see obvious depression of the long term variety. If you are thirty years old, twenty years of political, economical and psychological struggle will definitely do you in. A life full of uncertainty and horror will take its toll on any frame, male and female, strong or weak. Natural law dictates that some of the frames will never recover from this relentless pounding. Survival of the fittest is different from survival of the most beautiful. I mean, some of the Chinese women from the Mainland will never achieve or recover that soft-lined curves possessed by some women and men from Hong Kong, Taiwan, Japan and Korea. Do they have to? Hey, good question. Do they want to? Ask them.

There are people who become more beautiful with time, like good wine as they say. But many lost their natural shape simply because the road they have traveled has been tumultuous. If you had endured a multi-year separation from the one you fell deeply in love with, the misery you have swallowed during those hundreds of days and nights will show on your face, affect your manner, and influence the way you look at things and the way how you conduct life. Clothes, however beautiful, and makeup, however expensive, can't cover it all. They simply can't. When others see this and understand what they see, would they laugh? Well, my sensitive ears tell me that they would and they did. Hey, I told you my ears are good.

My bias comes from the fact that I went through the same life as most of boys and girls did. I have great respect to and appreciate the beauty of those women, and men sometimes. They are beautiful without make-up. Let it be known that true beauty does not need make-up or advertisement; true beauty looks at the world in the eye with a smile; true beauty rises above the noise of gossips; if the world has any sense, it will take a deep bow at the feet of the true beauty...

But I can also see the logic of the gossips. Here we are. In a society of consumerism, beauty takes on certain shapes and flesh is to be consumed. Skins are under microscopes, shapes are assemble-line formed. Some of the unfortunate ones coming through torturous misery are bound to be laughed at. They don't stand a chance for being so out of the space.

What's more, you asked? Beauty by definition softens strength, be it mental or physical. Elegance displays power by its rich finesse. But don't get me wrong. I for one admire the variety of beauties the world keeps shuffling to my eyes, including those who can laugh with the perfect frame whenever the spotlight is on. Human beauty charms me even though my eyes have seen too much. No, I never even mumbled to myself: what would those beauties become if they had gone through what we did? I don't wish misery to anyone, young or old, Chinese or any others.

Under the same spotlight, I can see some of my brothers and sisters look pale, or even awkward. They are at best beauties scorched...Now, I understand why I am hearing all the noises. I don't have to have ears; I can see noises.

January, 1995