BLACK & BLUES - All the news that's fit to print...
PHA B division | proudly kicking asses since 1999

B&Bs tonight won their second straight league championship and first "B" level title with a convincing 
win over Flip Wilson 6-3.  It is their sixth title in 15 seasons playing in the PHA.  They have 
appeared in the playoffs every year but one and have made the finals every playoff year but one.  An 
incredible record of consistency to be sure.

Player Awards:

MVP: Nick
Best Defensive: Jeff 
Points: Nick
Ironman: TJ
Inspirational: Rex

After years of yapping about it, web master Rocky McGuigan has linked the Black and Blues
homepage to www.blackandblues.org .  No longer do players have to remember the arcane URL
of years past to get up-to-the-minute news, schedule, stats and standings.

Use it and contribute!

After winning a third consecutive "C+" level championship, the Black & Blues are moving up.

Along with the Super Villains and Hammerheads, the B&Bs are now competing in the PHA "B"
Division with the Leafs and Hawks.  

No doubt all three graduates will spend a season or two getting their asses kicked by the
more seasoned Leafs and Hawks.  Should make for some fun games before it's all over!

The Peninsula Black & Blues tonight handed the Jets their second straight finals loss
in as many seasons.

Matt Authement lead the way in a close game in which the Blues went ahead three times and the 
Jets tied it up three times before the B&Bs opened up a two-goal lead late in the game to seal
the deal.

Black & Blues perennial scoring leader Philip Landler has played his final
game with the reigning champions in an energetic 4-0 shutout of the Super Villians
at the Ice Chalet of San Mateo last night.

"I'm tired of being a small fish in a small pond," quipped Landler after downing his
second lite beer after the game.  "I'm ready to be a big...no, wait, a small fish in
a big, no, that can't be right...I'll get back to you on that one."

The Blues were visibly shaken at the thought of Landler's departure.  "Philip is the one
that makes us all look good out there," remarked long-time teammate Ken Ball.  "I mean
he really liked playing this game.  Some of the rest of us are just playing for the money
but not Philip.  He'd play for half of what they pay him if he had to."

Landler claims to be moving east for a job opportunity but word on the street is that he's
in some trouble with the law and needs to get out of Dodge before they catch up with him.

"No comment," was all he had to say about the speculation.

We'll miss you Philip!  You know you'll always have a spot of honor on the team whenever 
you venture back to the Left Coast!

The Black&Blues last night won their second consecutive Championship in the PHA C+ Division, 
defeating the Jets 3-1 in a thrilling game at the San Mateo Ice Chalet.

Mitch Schulte ripped the championship-winning goal in off the post with the score tied 1-1.  Matt 
Authement opened the scoring for the B&Bs in the first after a strong drive to the net.  Ralph 
Harik sealed the deal with an empty-net goal late in the third.

The third-place Jets defeated the second-place Hammerheads in the first round of the playoffs to earn the chance to play
for the championship.

Last night may have been the greatest game yet in the eight season history of the Black and Blues.
We won our first ever summer championship with an amazing 3-0 win over the Cobras to claim the Div C+ trophy.

A quick write up of the game for Brad and Mitch who were the only two missing from the roster. The game was an intense
back and forth struggle from the start. They had a smaller bench than we did but had some of their best players out
including the infamous number 55. Everyone on our team put in the best game I have ever seen us play, forechecking, cycling
the puck, getting shots on their goal but until the end of the second it was scoreless. We were killing a penalty but
managing to keep the puck in their end when Paul, in the middle of a scramble, popped in what would be the game winner, 
with Mikhail getting the assist. Third period saw them turn up the pressure but our defence and Rex's stellar play denied 
them every time. Several huge break-away saves by Rex made sure it was us that would be us holding the cup at the end of 
the game. Four minutes to go saw Matt pop in another goal in a scramble and Charlie added the final blow into an empty net 
with a minute to go. Several seconds later and we were jumping over the boards to celebrate our championship win.

I have yet to post the play-off stats but the leaders in stats are:
Paul Strauss with the most goals and points (3), Philip with the most assists (2) and PK and Max tying for play-off
tough guy with 6 pim's each.  I think play-off MVP has to go to Rex for two incredible play-off games.

I forgot to read out the stats leaders from the regular season after the game so here they are:

stats leaders - regular season

Most points - Mikhail Ulinich - 14, Charlie Blake - 13
Most goals - Mikhail Ulinich - 8, Philip Landler - 6, Charlie Blake - 6
Most assists - Charlie Blake - 7, Mitch Schulte - 7
Most games played - Steve Kennedy - 16, Ken Ball - 15, Matt Authement - 15
Most penalty minutes - Steve Kennedy - 42, Max Zimovets - 31
Most points per game (5+ games) - Charlie Blake - 1.86, Mikhail Ulinich - 1.17

The are a few announcements. First off is keep an eye out for details on the university grudge match
as Max and Charlie's respective teams will go head to head some time this fall. Secondly PK Livingston has stepped in to
take over managing the team. I'm sure he'll bring new sponsorship deals, contracts, line-ups
etc. to the winter season. His e-mail is pk@pdi.com. E-mail him with any concerns, questions, problems, thoughts,
dilemmas and any other hockey/non-hockey issues.

Since this is kind of an end of an era I might as well say a few thanks. First off thanks to Henry and Dave Blake for
coming out to cheer us on last night. Thanks to PK for taking over the Captain/Managing job.
To Henry, Charlie, Ed, Jeff, Brad, Michael and Max who are leaving us this season I wish you guys all the best and hope
we'll see you on the sub list or when next summer season rolls around. Thanks to Rex, Eric, Matt A, Paul and Jeff who've
been on the team since the very start. It's been great playing with you guys these past eight seasons. Finally thanks to
everyone who played this season. We started out a little rough and ragged but last night showed how much we sharpened
up. It's been a great season, definitely one to remember.

See you on the ice.

Ken

Queen Elizabeth's spokesperson today announced that she will host a lavish banquet in honour
of the newly crowned World Champion Black & Blues Hockey Club.  Her Majesty has invited 
Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, US President George Bush and Russian President 
Vladimir Putin to join her in paying homage to the "greatest hockey club in the world."  

"We should very much enjoy just basking in the glory of these amazing athletes" the Queen
was heard to say as he hoofed it out on her way to a foxhunt.  "In capturing the 2003 PHA C+
Summer League Championship, the B&Bs have done what no other team has done in the history of
men skating around bumping each other in pursuit of a small vulcanized rubber disc...they've
broken a spell of bad luck that would make the Buffalo Bills look like the Green Bay Packers."

"Six straight Championship appearances and nothing more to show for it than 24 goals against. 
That's gotta go into Heimlich Book of Choking Records if you ask me" quipped NHL talent scout
Lefty LaRue.  "Those poor bastards couldn't buy a Championship, and believe me, they tried."

Enjoy it while it lasts boys, it may be another six seasons before you drink from...oh, nevermind, 
you can't drink from those cheap-shit trophies.

The world's largest monkey needs a new home.  He wakes up this morning with no place to
live after the Black & Blues got him off of their back last night with a captivating
3-0 victory in the PHA Summer League Championship Game.

"Cool.  We all thought we were going to lose again" commented an unnamed forward on the
snakebitten team after the game.  "I mean, losing six in a row tends to get into your
mind, under your skin, stuck in your craw.  After that long, you just expect it to happen."

The losing opponent on the night, the Cobras, looked flat and ornery from the opening face-off.
"We definitely wanted it more, but they somehow got lucky and scored three goals, shut down our
top guys and stopped everything we threw at them.  Pure luck."  

"I'm going to Happy Hollow!" screamed a jubilant Charlie Blake after icing the game with a late
empty-net goal.  "Well, I'm going as long as my dad pays."

On a sad note, the Black & Blues announced they will not be anyone's doormat any more.  "We decided 
that the beer tastes better after a win" retiring team manager Ken Ball noted.  "Funny it took
us this long to try it out." 

"The PK era has begun!" errupted incoming manager PK Livingston after the stunning victory.  When
the team looked at him blankly, Livingston mumbled "I mean, good job Ken.  You made this team 
fun, supportive and successful.  Those will be hard shoes to fill."

Cash, letters of congratulations and sign-ups for groupies can be forwarded to Mr. Livingston at
his home address.

Black & Blues goalie Ken Ball has stepped forward and boldly predicted that the 
Vancouver Canucks will hoist the Stanley Cup next June.

"I can't see any other team with the scoring, leadership, uniforms, equipment,
childcare, goaltending, personal hygiene or lawn ornaments to make it through
the tough, tough NHL playoffs.  You look at what a Markus Naslund or Todd 
Bertuzzi bring to the table and you'll see what I mean.  Last night, Naslund
brought this really nice Vegetarian Rigatoni, some pink drink in a tall glass
and a board game. Bertuzzi is more of a power guy...he brought some garlic 
concoction that made us all gag, but that's just him.  Show me Fedorov or 
Jagr having the guts to bring a Shirley Temple on their tray.  Never."

Ball feels that the Canucks always seem to get overlooked when the pundits
rank the power teams in the league.  "I can't figure it out.  I mean, they
get between five and seven hundred people at almost *every* game.  Sure, they
haven't been seen on national TV since their fluke run in '94, but still.  
Also, these guys have a sure-fire Hall of Fame goalie tandem in Dan Cloutier and 
Petr Skoudra.  Have you seen their records?  Cloutier stops close to 80% of
the shots he faces.  Can you imagine a baseball player hitting .800?  He'd
be in the Hall of Fame before he retired!"

Indeed, Ball's observations hold up.  We checked our records and found all his
stats to be accurate and true.  Why then, doesn't the world recognize the 
awesome potential of this underdog organization?

"They suck wang."

So says NHL observer Douche LaRouche of the French-Language "Journal du Hockey"
out of a shack in the Laurentian Mountains.  "My cat can stop pucks better 
than that pair of crappy keepers.  Add to that, the fact that Naslund shoots 
like a girl and Bertuzzi wears ladies underwear.  The Sedin twins are dancing 
in the Vancouver Rainbow Theatre's production of The Nutcracker and their 
defense corps moonlight as cheerleaders for the Local 603 Boy Scout wrestling 
squad.  The day they win the Stanley Cup is the day I cut off my own head 
and dribble it down the sidewalk singing the She's too Fat for Me Polka."

While LaRouche's stats are somewhat suspect compared to Ball's, he does have a
point.  How could a backwater, third-rate club that has had the uniform history
of the Canucks ever hope to hoist hockey's Holy Grail?  This reporter thinks
that Ken Ball should just put down his crack pipe, open is half-lidded eyes
and smell the coffee.  The day the Canucks get their rings is the day we can
consider the once-proud sport of hockey as dead as the Toronto Maple Leafs or
Atlanta Thrashers.

And that's pretty dead.

Seven-time All-Star defenseman David Blake was demoted to the B&B farm club
at the start of the season for "conditioning."  He had been performing well 
below his usual high standards ever since his son Charlie was traded away 
in a blockbuster deal that shook the league last summer.

"A game without Charlie is like a day without someone bailing my ass out of the
coach's doghouse" Blake said to reporters after hearing the news of his demotion.
"It was nice to have Charlie out on the ice.  I always knew I could coast because 
he'd always be there to cover for my lazy-ass.  He knew that if he didn't (cover
for me), you never know...that college money might just dry up sooner than 
expected.  Charlie doesn't want to spend the rest of his life working at the 7-11."

In his first game in the minors, Blake was given the extremely rare minor penalty
of "two minutes for taking it just a little TOO easy."  His teammates killed the
penalty without incident but they weren't without comment on their newest veteran.
Fellow defenseman Skank Debacle told us "Dave's a great guy and a fine defenseman. 
It's just that when he rolled that damn sofa and TV set into our slot in the second, 
we all had had enough.  Coach yanked him and gave him a little speech.  I think it 
worked because in the third he was a totally different guy.  He'd taken off his
robe and put down his hot cocoa to cover some opposing players in front of the 
net.  We really appreciated the extra effort."

No reports on when he'll rejoin the big club, but Blake remains upbeat. "If I 
can help set a good example for some of the younger guys down here, I've done
my job.  One of these guys was trying to set up a ping-pong table in the neutral
zone and I had to pull him aside and tell him that's just not appropriate...we
pretty much reserve that zone for the pool table and soft drinks.  Kids."

Charlie Blake was unavailable for comment.

Mitch Schulte, the dynamic geologist/right-winger for the Black & Blues
has returned to the team after going AWOL, getting married then 
honeymooning in Paris.

When asked how things went, Schulte responded that things were "fine" despite
the fact that he was not wearing a wedding ring.  Teammates wondered aloud at
the audacity of the young forward to snub his beautiful wife so soon into their 
union. "A ring belongs on my finger about as much as a, um, shovel belongs on your
face" he was overheard saying to a third-string teammate.  Clearly, this headstrong
young gun has not yet learned to tame that fiery temper despite becoming a
family man.

We wish him all the best in the future.

The PHA yesterday released news of a sweeping set of changes to take effect starting
winter 2002.  After meeting with team captains, league owners Russ Hughes and Mike Benesh
have radically upgraded the eight year-old league.  Some of the improvements include:

*	Reduced season costs 
*	Reduced roster sizes 
*	Championship games with 30 minutes of overtime as needed 
*	Improved scheduling, less down time 
*	More teams involved in the playoffs 
*	Improved registration process 
*	Captain Meeting August 27, 2002, Scores Restaurant, 7:30 pm 
*	Payment due by September 23, 2002 
*	Each conference will have one designated night of play as follows:

		B Level - Monday nights 
		C+ Level - Wednesday nights 
		C Level - Sunday nights 
		D Level - Sunday nights 
		E Level - Sunday nights 

(AP) With the latest standings newly posted, the Black and Blues have
	clinched first place overall in the hard-fought C+ Division of the Pacific
	Hockey Association.  With an astounding 10-1-1 record, no-one can catch
	the boys in blue with only two games remaining in the regular season.

You can now access the Black and Blues' home page through the PHA's
	"Team Pages" link at www.playpha.com

Philip sez:

	I am a dad once again as of yesterday at 11:40 AM  --and am now outnumbered
	4 to 1.    We had another girl (joining two sisters) who weighed in at 9
	pounds 2 ounces and 22.5 inches.  She and her mom are doing great.

	We still haven't come up with a name but are down to 3 so we should be
	there soon.

	Hope to skate with you on the 24th but will have to see how things develop
	once our new one gets home (tomorrow).  Should be at the last game and the
	1st playoff game.

	PL

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