THE SWEATY ANNA INTRODUCTION & MARRIAGE AGENCY
Chernobyl, Russia

We are Cthulhu's contact professionals with:

- 4000-years of professional service
- an extensive library of lore that Man Was Not Meant To Know
- visa-support for visitors to Plateau of Leng
- personal interpreters and guides
- friendly and helpful English-speaking staff, also many who are human.

* This service is free for first thousand clients only. Suckers who join up after word gets around are begging to be bled dry in more ways than one.

** Please don`t use e-mail for sending us your profiles: we can`t operated with 10 Mb or more of gifs or Jpgs after last binary-bombing campaign. Besides, postmark gives us another way to track you down. Please include your email address in your letter, in case we miss chance to send you other UCE.

http://www.hotlengteenswithteethofsteel.com

Special only $199.00 for up to two people! Includes plane fare, special People's Forbidden Republic of Leng border pass, crystalizer of dreams,3 days 2 nights at a major cavern system's Hotel with complimentary VIP transportation via a super stretch rickshaw pulled by a child of Tsathoggua that includes a fully stocked bar! You will be taken to your choice of several of Leng's best "slaughterhouses", the local quaint term for brothels, and experience some of the worlds most Exotic and Erotic women and/or men.

"The journey toward pleasure is a one way trip into the womb of Leng's greatest treasures." - Talmon Dil'haa, Leng tourguide and Lloigor's High Priest of the Red Moon.

Recomended by
Paul Charleston, Penthouse Forum Editor (deceased)
Arnold Grant, XXX-Movie Review writer (missing)
Nicholas Maxwell, Camera Operator for Lickly Clit Productions (deceased)
Carl Osbourne, Spamer of Newsgroups for Östwind Enterprises, Inc. (unknown)

Cum join the excitement!

Gate Portal Descrambler plans available for $ 50.00
Build your own Gate Portal Descrambler box using parts
you can buy from Radio Shack or Wal-Mart for less than $15
Can be used on Premium Dimensional Planes and Pay With Sanity Realms
See all your favorite Non-Euclidean States of Being!

To recieve detail instructions and diagrams on how to construct your own Gate Portal Descrambler Box send $50.00CASH MONEY ORDER CHECK to the address below.

Tcho & Tcho Enterprises
0043^1(2+1)45 Mountains of Maddness Cir
Sauk City WI. 6660

Please include your full mailing address.
Times you will be in and out
Whether or not you have a guard dog
Next of Kin information

Please allow one week for checks to clear.

Thank You
G'ilean Ma'bathnar

The amazing! Patented! Wall-o-Eryx Human Motel! This simple gadget will not only trap any nearby humans, but will actually attract them from hundreds of miles away, with a little bit of bait (also makes a handy Shoggoth feeder).

How does it work? Simple....install the unit in a suitably blasted and desolate (i.e., unwanted) corner of your planet with a medium-size Phillips-head screwdriver. You may have to acquire this latter tool from the humans themselves. Then follow the step-by-step incantations in the manual to invoke the powers of the invisible Feaster From Afar, who will supply the unseen walls of the Wall-o-Eryx Human Motel. If you have any spare mi-go around, they make great sacrifices. If not, burnt offerings of chop suey (the many-tentacles foodstuff) will also do.

That's it! Just toss in a bit of suitable bait and you're set. Send no money, the great Feaster ain't interested. This offer not available in any store - it is available ONLY through this limited one-time offer to patrons of Shub Internet's House of Writhing Tentacles.

Remember Wall-o-Eryx Human Motels....humans check in, but they can't check out!