Are you a fully paid up, conspiracy destroying, normal torturing slackmaster who won't rest until you've met the Xists even if you have to cremate yourself and have your ashes shot into space to do it? Have you been so close to "Bob" that you've had sex with the tentacled things that live inside his brain and lived to tell the tale? Does Connie come to you incubus form and lick your frontal lobes? Do you phone Christian call in shows pretending to be a demon in heat? Do you write disgusting stories about "Bob" or Connie, sing hellish hymns in praise of JHVH-1, or draw bizarre pictures of Yetis torturing Smurfs? Do you speak fluent HTML and channel G'broagfran? Are you deranged and evil beyond redemption? Would you like to spend time with others like yourself?
Would you like to help create and define a hell raising, head launching Los Angeles clench and have disciples of your own to nurture, use and discipline?
Then, fellow slackmaster or mistress, this page is for you!!
Or maybe you've only heard recently of "Bob's" mighty Church of the Subgenius. It sounds interesting and makes you laugh, but perhaps you're a little scared and would like someone to gently introduce you to the joy of serving "Bob" with all your body, mind and soul through all eternity. Perhaps you need to be gently taught such Dobbsian arts as pink baiting, aura felching, excremeditation, prairie squid de-beaking, yeti frottaging, accubeating, pstench cleansing, wallet fishing, parasite cookery, soul harvesting, and of course, sexhurt. Maybe you just need to know that there are others like you out there. Or perhaps your aura needs brutal psychic surgery so it can "tune in" to the astral radio station that is "Bob."
Then, potential disciple, this page is for you!!
And sadly, you might be a worthless glorp, as pink and normal as can be, who's known only hideous terror while reading this web site. Perhaps you believe in the awful mind boggling rightness of "Bob's" enlightened teachings, but know in your bones that no amount of excremeditation or accubeating could possibly make you one tiny bit less pink than you were born and raised to be. Maybe you've even failed the blood test for yeti genes and your Doktor told you that your sad and sorry soul will certainly be food for the Xists!! Perhaps you'd like to believe that someone who's closer to "Bob" than you'll ever be can protect you from the horrors to come if only you'll sign over your soul and pledge eternal obedience and total servitude to your master's or mistress' every whim.
Then, potential slave, this page is for you!!
Or maybe you don't really care about "Bob" at all, but you know that the Boddhisatva can't draw and you'd like to have your art published on someone else's web page and you don't mind drawing to demand if you can get a credit or letter of recommendation out of the whole thing!!
Then, potential intern, this page is for you!!
And why, you might ask, is this page for you!!
The answer is simple: Lost Angeles has been without a Yeti Spirit Home for many years!! It is "Bob's" command that this glaring omission be corrected. Since we must obey his every whim or felch lampreys for all eternity it falls to us to create an active Southern California Clench or know the horror of his wrath. There are more saved and unsaved Subgenii in LA than anywhere else in the world and we need to get together, worship Dobbs, and create fear and loathing among the pinks and normals of our fair state!!If you'd like to form a clench here in Los Angeles, please e-mail me. Include your name, (if you live with someone else, I'll need your mundane name) phone number, and e-mail address. Tell me how you found "Bob" or (shudder) how he found you!! Tell me, at least in a general way, where you live. (An address would be nice, but I'll understand if you feel shy.) Also, if you have any useful talents, such as publicity, artistic ability, or sound mixing, please let me know. When I've gotten enough responses I'll set up a meeting and we can start things rolling!!
If you live in LA write to Boddhisatva Troutwaxer (tungtung@pacbell.net) or live alone in "Bob"-less darkness for all eternity!!
Return to Main Menu